


Speak of the Devil

by Madashatters



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Death, Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Immortal, Jealousy, Time Travel, Violence, Way too many feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2019-09-07 13:14:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16854625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madashatters/pseuds/Madashatters
Summary: You’re immortal and you’ve lived more lives than you can count.  Somehow, this one has landed you on a time traveling ship with people you were starting to consider family, saving the world. It was risky; to travel to times when you know another version of you is somewhere out there but you never thought you’d cross paths. Until a past you is killed and your somewhat family is desperate to stop it from happening, no matter the consequences.





	1. Chapter 1

As an immortal, it was hard to remember all the lives you had lived and in your case; there was suffering around every corner. It was almost better not to remember it all. Of course, there are always the people you could never forget, the environment that had imprinted itself in your brain, deaths that you could always see when you close your eyes. When you joined the Legends, it was strange to believe that you could travel to times you’ve already lived through, that there was a possibility you could run into a past you. The team was alway wary of that, not wanting to break time and everything, but it was the reason they figured you out in the first place. You were a member of Team Flash where everyone simply thought that you were invulnerable, which came in handy when you were fighting a new bad guy every other day, so you were welcomed with open arms. Apparently, the legends had run into a copy of you in the 1800s and they were convinced it wasn’t your ancestor. You had told everyone the truth and before you knew it, you were saying goodbye to Team Flash and walking onto a time ship.

It was beyond fun to travel through time and save history in the process. Every now and then the team would ask where you were during a certain time, this was one of those times. You didn’t mind sharing your past lives but it always left a knot in your stomach. You were returning to the ship after saving Isaac Newton in 1661 and when you were all settled, Nate was the one to ask where you were.

You laughed and took a seat, “Far from Mr. Newton. I think I was in the middle of the Pacific by now.”

Ray perked up, “Pacific Ocean? What were you doing there?” A look that could only appear on a person of science and curiosity passed over his face. “What happens if you drown?”

“I hit the reset button and try to get to air before it happens again.” Ray nodded, satisfied with the response. “Thankfully, I wasn’t drowning. I was the captain of a pirate ship.”

Mick looked at you wide eyed with a manic smile, “Pirates?”

You saluted him, “Aye aye matey.”

“You didn’t really talk like that did you?” Nate cringed.

“The movies don’t have it all wrong ye see. But the accent, ay, it was somethin more like this.” You fell into the accent easy, your pirate life was the one you remembered the most of your deep past. It was low and almost grumbly with a european undertone.

Sara joined the group after putting the ship to cruise in the temporal cortex. “That one may just be my favorite.” You winked at her as she sat down next to you, her legs thrown into your lap.

You turned to the rest of the group as you rubbed Sara’s ankle. “Short story short, pirates were complete assholes. They kidnapped me and planned to keep me on their ship. They didn’t expect that I had centuries of experience and wasn’t going down without a fight.”

“How long have you been alive exactly?” Jax asked. It was a question you never really couldn’t answer, especially since you didn’t really know.

“I’m not sure but I do know there are goddesses based off of me.” When you had seen your addition to mythology you had quickly learned that staying the same place for too long wasn’t a good idea. Especially when so many people aged quickly or died at a young age. You were still youthful and couldn’t be harmed, the people around you were sure the gods were the only answer.

Nate’s “Which ones?” was said at the same time as Jax’s “Daamnn.”

You laughed, “Anyway, I took over the ship. Threw all the idiots overboard, which left me and the other girls they had taken. Together we came up with the idea to save those pirates had decided were property instead of humans. By ‘61, I was on my fifth ship, filled with former wenched and slaves, runaways, rejects, and anyone else who I declared not a shit human being.”

“That’s my girl.” You smiled at Sara in response. She would’ve done well at sea, you could see her by your side, giving orders as you sailed the ship.

“How is that possible? There would’ve been some kind of evidence of a-a sanctuary pirate ship.” Nate stuttered to understand, as he always did when you told him of your past.

“When you live long enough, you learn how to stay clear of marking history.” You tilted your head, “At least, on paper. Like most of what i did, it became a story in the wind. The ship captained by a woman that welcomed those who never were.” Your face fell at a forgotten memory that refused to stay that way. Her face was clear in your head once again and you couldn’t shake the guilt that you felt.

Sara interjected, “What’s that face for?” She took her legs out of your lap and leaned towards you.

You shook your head slightly, she knew you far too well. “It’s nothing, just sometimes hard to remember.”

“Something tells me that you remember it just fine. You just don’t want to. ” Her voice was low as she took your hand in hers,  noticing the slight change in your emotions. You smiled and tried to show her that you were fine but there was no way to fool her. The rest of the team, no longer being interested by storytime, separated to their own devices.

“Baby, I promise, I’m fine.” You pulled her towards you. She took the hint and settled down in your lap, you hugged her close. “It’s just hard to remember everything I’ve lost.” You whispered into her hair, “Everything I could still lose.”

She looked up, a world of emotions in her eyes but no words escaped her. Instead, she placed her hand on the side of your face and, together, you took a deep breath. You could almost see yourself telling her everything; every person you loved and lost, every life you had seen drain from someone’s eyes. You could almost see yourself saying that you hadn’t loved a person this much since a sword was strapped to your hip, since she was brutally taken away from you. Before either of you could say anything, though there really was reason for words when it came to the two of you, Sara fell into the seat, barely catching herself. “What the hell just happened?!” She stomped towards the table, her outburst causing the others to rush towards it as well.

“Where’d Y/N go?”Jax asked.

“That’s what I want to know, Gideon!” Sara glared at the ceiling, she wanted answers and she wanted them immediately.

“It seems Y/N was killed in 1668.” Gideon replied.

“That’s not possible. How is that possible?” Ray frantically looked between Sara and Gideon, beyond confused. “Y/N told me that she once had her head cut off and she still woke up, how was she killed?”

“From what I can find, the legion stole a weapon from the future that was created specifically to kill immortals.”

“Why go back almost 300 years before she joins us?” Stein made a good point. If they wanted to hurt the team, killing you in front of them was the best way to do so. There was a reason they did it then.

“Let’s go find out. Gideon, you know what to do.” Everyone made their way to their seats, desperate to save you. 

* * *

When the ship landed it was the day before you were supposed to die and you phased back into reality. Sara had walked towards you with purpose in every step and kissed you like her life depended on it, not caring about the audience behind her. She only separated to glare at Mick’s ‘Nice.’

You stepped back, your hand on her hips, “Good to see you too babe, any reason for the greeting?”

“You’re dead.” If Mick wasn’t used to Sara’s glares, the intensity of the one he was currently receiving would’ve melted him easily.

You laughed and walked towards the table, “That’s not possible. What’s really going on here? When are we?”

“May 7, 1668. We landed the day before your murder” Gideon responded before anyone else could

You froze, there were no coincidences, especially not with that date. “You look like you just experienced it.” Nate’s voice was worried as he walked towards to see if you were okay.

You responded, robotically, “I’m at my most vulnerable tomorrow.” You shrugged. “Seems like the perfect time to try and kill me.”  You turned to Sara, an emotionless mask on both your faces. “What’s the plan captain?”

“It depends on where you are right not. We can’t risk breaking time while trying to save you.”

“We docked the night before so that’s where I’ll be now. It happens on my ship so you’ll have to find a way onto it.”

“We’re going to need you to replace yourself, if you’re at your most vulnerable then we need you to know when it’s coming but we have to be careful about it.”

“I’ll be able to get all of you on board with no questions. I’ll go get dressed and we can figure out how to replace me.” You left the others and headed for the fabrication room, steeling yourself to get through the memory you had forced yourself to forget.

* * *

—–

You walked out of the Waverider dressed head to toe in your old pirate uniform. You had even teared a hole in your tail coat to match the one you had accidentally made with your cutlass. Your stride was different as you made your way towards the team, your old personality quickly coming back like stepping into an old pair of shoes that still fit. You smirked as Sara whistled, a familiar look on her face. You bowed, “What do you think? Like the old me?”

Instead of answering she strutted towards you and kissed you before whispering, “I love _all_  of you.” You reached up and stroked her cheek, almost sure this was the last she’d let you be this close to her. She nodded, letting you know it was okay for you to take the lead without you having to ask.

 You turned to the rest of the group, becoming the captain you once were so long ago. “The tavern I slept at is close to the docks. I’ll lead ya there then disappear. I should be wakin’ up soon to get food and booze, you can grab me then and let me know when I’m not around so I can take my own place.” 

Everyone nodded in understanding except Mick who walked up to you to make sure he heard you right, “Tavern?” 

You laughed and started walking, the others following without another word. “It’s like a bar and inn, that doesn’t mean you can drink.” Mick grumbled and fell back to walk with the rest. 

As you walked into town, the local merchants began to avert their eyes, shuffling to get out of your way. Though you could still see their confused gazes towards your team. You lifted your eyebrow at them, the simple gesture causing them to turn away and return to their duties. Sara saddled up next to you, “Seems like you have a lot of authority here.” 

You smiled, “We docked here the most, the locals know me.” The accent you had lost with the turn of the century was coming back, the tone settling onto your tongue easily. 

“Where’d that accent come from?” Sara smirked, the way she always did when she found a new part of your past. 

You responded with a smirk of your own, “Jus like ridin’ a bike sweet thing, nuthin special.” You had moved closer to her, used to the way the two of you flirted but before you could kiss her, you noticed the shocked face of the rum merchant. Your eyes widened slightly as you realized your mistake and immediately you straightened up, nodding to the merchant as you walked past. Sara was confused but she tailed back to walk witht he rest nonetheless, probably assuming you didn’t want to lose your reputation as a captain. You shook your head and kept walking. Sooner than you would’ve liked, you made it to the tavern. You ushered everyone in to the alley close by, “I’ll be coming out soon. After you knock me out you should be able to quickly head back to the Waverider and if anyone asks just say I had too much to drink.” 

“How do we get your attention in the first place?” Jax asked.

You grimaced slightly, “You’re not going to like it.” You explained the plan before going around the corner, making sure that there was no way you could see yourself. 

* * *

 

—–

Captain Y/N was leaving the tavern when she heard a commotion coming from the alley nearby. Turning around she saw a young slave being beaten and the anger she felt was too strong to just stand and watch. She walked over to the scene and harshly grabbed the sailor by the shoulder, effectively gaining his attention. His eyes widened and he dropped the young man in favor of raising his arms in surrender. “Y/N, listen-” She ignored how he knew her name and instead punched him with full force, his body falling as she let go. She shook her hand casually and moved to help the young man up. When he stood, she was confused to see that he was perfectly fine, not an injury in sight.

“Yuh have some tuff skin there son, that ass was’t holdin back.” The young man shrugged as she shook his hand, ready to invite him onto her ship.

“Yea, about that-” Before he could continue his statement, a blunt force hit the Captain on the head and she fell into Ray’s arms as he apologized profusely. Mick threw your unconscious body over his shoulder, rolling his eyes at Ray as he did. Sara grabbed your cutlass before Mick walked towards the Waverider.

When they were far enough away, Sara called for you to come out. You laughed as you passed by Ray, “Y’know _I_ didn’t feel that, right?”

He shrugged guiltily, “I know, I just feel bad having to hit any version of you.” 

You patted his arm and thanked him before making your way to Nate. You grimaced when you saw him rubbing his jaw, “Sorry about that.” 

He exhaled sharply, his cheek and jaw extremely red, “You weren’t kidding when you said you defended the little guy, _damn_  Y/N.” 

You chuckled and helped him up, the exact movements as past you had done. Martin stared at you wide eyed,” I must say, it’s quite surreal to see your past self.” 

You chuckled, “I can imagine.” You took your cutlass that Sara handed to you, you traced the engraved initials at the base and sheathed it. “I’ll make my way to the markets and return shortly. Remain here, I’ll retrieve you soon.” You fixed your hat and stepped out of the alley, ignoring the voice in the back of your head reminding you what the next day entitled. 

* * *

 

——

You walked into the tavern like you owned it; your boots clicking as you made your way across the floor, your hips cocked just slightly. You sat at the bar and waited with your legs crossed and the sacks of ‘groceries’ at your feet. You waved at the barkeep and a glass of whiskey set itself in front of you. A hand came from next to you and took your drink, your heart dropped as you watched her drink the shot and wipe her mouth. She winked at you and settled quickly on your lap. “Drinkin already, darlin?” You couldn’t find it in yourself to respond, stuck just looking at her. She was just as beautiful as you remembered and the memories swarmed your thoughts the more you stared at her. You could remember the nights she dragged you off the ship and how the two of you stumbled into whatever tavern would accept you, throwing the coins at the keep and rushing towards your room. The mornings where all you wanted to do was lay next to her, trace the contours of her skin and memorize the feeling of her against you. The feeling of knowing she had your back whether it be in a fight or in everyday life, her smile after battling half an army on her own. You wanted to pick her up, run up the stairs, and lock the two of you into the room until the world forgot you existed. Her eyes turned concerned the longer you didn’t answer, “Darling?” You shook your head, the fantasy of keeping her falling out of your grip as you did.

You squeezed her hip in reassurance smiled grimly, “Sorry love, I lost my mind for a time.” She held your face and looked deeper into your eyes, always the one to make sure you were okay. You scrunched your nose at her inspecting, smiling at the resulting giggle that came from it. She jumped off your lap and picked up half of the bags on the floor.

“We have a crew to attend to,” She strutted away, only stopping at the door to ask you whether or not you were coming. You finished your drink and grabbed the rest of the bags, following her out. She grabbed your hand, not ashamed as the two of you walked back to the ship. You passed the alley and dropped her hand as if it burned you. She stopped immediately and looked towards you worried and shocked. “What? Why ya actin like I gotta plague?”

You reached up to rub her arms. “Apologies love but I have a surprise for ya.”

She had an skeptical expression on her face but she relaxed nonetheless. “Well, go on.”

You kissed her on the cheek and winked before you turned to walk into the alley. You ignored the shocked faces from those who had seen your interaction. You gestured for them to follow you, whispering “Showtime” as you did. You watched her face as you walked out, she was always so excited for new crew members. She acted as if they were your children and you were adding more members to your family which, in a way, you were. She jumped up excitedly at the sight of your team behind you, dropping her bags as she did.

When all of you were out of the alley, she ran towards you and, before you could stop her, grabbed your face and kissed you to show how happy she was. You stood in shock, the years of kisses coming back to you with the one. She pulled back, a beaming smile on her face, “You are remarkable.”

You smirked, composing yourself. “Now where didja hear a word like that?”

She shrugged nonchalantly, “I got surprises.” She turned to the group, her smile still in replace as if she didn’t see the glare she was receiving from Sara and the worried glances from everyone else.  “Welcome to the family. Name’s Lydia.”

* * *

—–

You ended up carrying all the bags, Lydia was too excited to learn everything about your new crew mates to bother picking them back up. They all spun their own story to make sure it made sense; Jax and Amaya were runaway slaves, Nate was a queer sailor who was kicked off his ship, Sara was a wench who had fought back too many times, and Ray had just shrugged and said he wanted an adventure. “What about you?” Sara’s voice bit through the air a bit more harshly than she probably wanted, the sound causing you to wince. “What’s your story?”

Lydia ignored Sara’s tone and jumped into the story of how the two of you met. “I was on a ship that Y/N was attackin. The asses in charge would rather me drown than be in her hands.” She looked at you like you hung the moon and you never knew you missed the look until it was right in front of you. “Her crew fought for the ship and she jumped into the water to get me.”  You smiled at her as she kissed your cheek. She happily turned around to keep talking to the group, “She saved me and I stayed onboard to repay my dues. Bein in love kinda jus snuck up on us.” 

Sara smiled sarcastically, “How sweet.” 

You avoided eye contact with the team for the rest of the walk to your ship. When you arrived, Lydia grabbed your bags to let you walk up the ramp with authority. You walked onto your ship and felt at home, you didn’t have to try and remember anymore. You clapped your hands together in excitement and stomped on the deck to get the crew’s attention. As they made their way from their sleeping quarters, they naturally made their way into a line in front of you. You spread out your arms as a gesture to your team behind you, Lydia hugged you from behind. “Meetcha new crew mates. Be quick to the markets.” 

“Where’dja find them?” It was strange to see them all again. Not just Lydia. To hear the voices of the people you spent almost a decade with, the ones you trusted more than anything. And to _smell_  them. 

“The gutters, same as all as you.” They chuckled to themselves, making their way to where they had to be. “Bathe while you’re at it.” You yelled after those that went to the docks, smiling when they couldn’t see you.

“You’re happy.” Sara said it accusingly, as if you were betraying her and the team. You were at a loss as to what to do. 

“No happier than I am with all of you.” You tried to stroke her arm but she stepped away. 

“I don’t think I believe that.” She walked away to join the rest of your team before you could answer and you were left with just Lydia. 

She kissed your cheek, hanging over your back, “I think the little missy has the hots for you.”

You sighed as you watched Sara talk strategy with the team. “I think you’re right.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You never wanted to lie to Sara, you had made that promise early on in your relationship. So when she asked if you missed the past life you had just been thrown into; you said yes.

You took a deep breath, taking in the ocean breeze that you hadn’t experienced for centuries. You hadn’t been on the water, the only home you knew besides the legends, since this day. It was nice to come back to. Then arms encircled yours and you stiffened. Not because you didn’t know who it was but because you did.

“Do you miss this?” Sara asked, nuzzling into you as the wind picked up. People would be surprised by how cuddly the terrifying Sara Lance actually was.

“Is it bad if I say yes?” She didn’t respond. You were sure she was asking about more than just your ship and the sea; she was asking about Lydia. Ever since you set sail the two of you were attached at the hip, just like you always were, the only difference was the legends, specifically Sara, watching everything the two of you did. You couldn’t lie to her though, you promised that early on, and even though you shouldn’t; you had missed Lydia.

You sighed, knowing the tender moment had to end and that she wasn’t going to like it. The crew was below, the legends manning the ship, all by Sara’s design you were sure. It was nice to have a dash of reality in your past but you knew this time well and nice never lasted long. You pulled out of embrace, your face becoming neutral and serious as you waited for Sara to be upset. She wasn’t, at least not in the way you thought she would be. “You can’t be with me? Not even for a couple minutes?”

She was never one to show insecurity, the question itself causing you to worry. You stepped forward, your hand reaching out to caress her face. Both of you froze, her head tilted and your hand almost at her cheek, when you heard the sound of boots clamoring up stairs. Break was over and it was Sara’s turn to sigh. You quickly grabbed her chin, staring her intensely in the eyes, and said, “I love _you_.”

She nodded, understanding the meaning in your words without you ever having to say it. She mouthed it back before she walked away, your arm falling to your side as you watched her go.  Being back here was confusing, sure, and being with Lydia didn’t make it any better, but if there was one thing you were sure of no matter the life or time; it was that you loved the woman standing in front of you. You just hoped she wouldn’t forget that.

———

It was dark by the time you could fully regroup with the legends. You had sent the crew to rest, telling them the new guys had to learn the ropes sooner or later, and they had gone without question. The only one left was Lydia. She was half asleep as she stood next to you and you couldn’t help the look of adoration on your face as you watched her try and stay up. She used to do this every night; try to stay up so she could see the water at sunrise. She never made it that long. You swallowed the sudden lump in your throat and turned to the legends who were patiently waiting, gesturing that you were going to take her to bed. Some nodded, others (Mick) rolled their eyes, and Sara simply stared as you picked her up and took her to your quarters. The moment she hit the bed she was out like a light, mumbling happily and trying to get closer to you. You sat on the bed next to her for a moment and tried to take everything in. The way her hair lay tangled on her head, the blanket already clasped in between her hands, the small smile that never left her face even in sleep. You tried to remember every detail because, one day, there will come a time when you forget.

The Legends were waiting for you on the deck, a small circle formed around a barrel that was being used as a table. You joined them with a smile, “So how is pirate life treating everyone?”

“What _exactly_ happens tomorrow, Y/N?” Nate asked.

They had apparently agreed on no pleasantries. You understood, of course you did, but it didn’t make this any easier. You sat down, stealing Mick’s drink and taking a long sip. You stared at nothing for a moment, not wanting to see any of their face when you said what you needed to. You looked back to where your quarters were, the lump back in your throat, “She dies.” You choked out, the words ripping themselves out of you. “Other pirates come and try to take my ship and she fights like it’s her child.” You chuckle though there’s no humor in it. The scene is playing in your head once again and the pain in your chest is unbearable. “I was arrogant and angry. I focused more on the enemy and not on what I had to lose to them.” You looked up at your team, your family, for the first time since starting to talk. “They slit her throat as revenge for me taking half their men and I watched her bleed out as the last ones escaped.” A tear fell but you got the sentence out, the feeling of wanting to sob didn’t matter. You had to make a plan. “That’s when they’ll kill me.”

It was silent then, the waves crashing against the side of your ship the only sound you could hear. It was worse than the sound of a clock ticking down to you. Ray was the one to break the silence, “So to stop you from getting killed-”

“I have to watch her die again.” You said solemnly. They stared at you, seeing the consequences of being immortal first hand, wanting to help but not knowing how to. Sara sat down next to you, no words could be said but she took your hand and that was enough.

——-

You shook Lydia awake, an almost crazed smile on your face. She groaned, waving you off tiredly but you weren’t taking it. Not today. “C'mon, love. I got a surprise for ya.” Her eyes opened at that, never the one to deny a surprise. You hooked your arm around her waist, practically carrying her to the back of the ship.  She slumped into your chest, nuzzling as she did, ready to fall back asleep. You couldn’t blame her, it was still dark out after all. She just needed to be awake when it wasn’t anymore. You sat down,  chuckling at her refusal to wake up fully, the sound making her smile against your chest.

“Whatcha laughin at?” She jostled around until she could squint towards the horizon. “And where’s my surprise?”

You stayed quiet and drew invisible lines along her arm, simply listening to the sound of the ocean and her breathing. It was a song from your past that you had refused to listen to ever since. Soon, the sun peaked it’s light over the water ever so slightly and Lydia was as wide awake as she’s ever been. She sat up, still leaning against you but her eyes were glued to the sun. The sky morphed into a world of purples, pinks, and yellows, the perfection of nature beautiful reflected in the water under the two of you. The silence didn’t break until the sun was far above your heads and the murmurs of your crew waking up was heard behind you. She fell back into your chest, a permanent smile on her face. It was warm, that was the best way to describe it. For so long she wanted this, something as simple as seeing the sunrise, and to give it to her just made you feel warm. “You’re not my Y/N, are you?” She mumbled and, just like that, you felt your heart drop.

You looked down at her, confused and panicked at the same time. If she knew or even suspected you weren’t who you said you were, history would be changed. “What do you mean love?”

She pecked your neck, tightening her hold around you. “You're…softer.”  You took a deep breath, relaxing back into your old position. Though apart of you was still confused; were you never like this with her? Were you never kind? Doubt filled your head quickly as you tried to remember just how rough you were once were. Her voice broke through your thoughts, just as sweet as it’s always been, “But I love ya jus the same.”

You would roll your eyes at yourself if it meant something. Maybe it was because of the day, because of what was going to happen, but you were at the edge of your seat it seemed. This wasn’t _your_ life even if you had lived it. You had grown over the centuries, become a new person over and over again. The person Lydia had loved had died even if she never could. You looked down at her a final time, the morning sun causing her skin to glow as she rested peacefully. Nevertheless, it was nice to know that she loved this version of you just as much. You kissed the top of her head and mumbled, “I loved you too.” You just wished you could save her


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sun rises and you watch as it dips closer and closer to the horizon. It’s the worse day of your life, again, and you have no choice but to relive it. Except, this time, you have Sara.

The moment when the sun begins to set was when it all began. For years after, maybe decades or centuries, you had hated the night. Sara changed that for you on your very first date. You would have never taken her for a romantic and maybe that was your first mistake on the long journey of falling for her; you had underestimated her ability to feel. You had expected a drink shared between somewhat friends, a night spent in her bed, and a morning ignoring it all. Instead, she took you to the highest point in Central City, laid down a blanket at midday, and fed you with amazing food and even better conversation. You hadn’t even noticed time passing until the world turned yellow around the both of you and you were stuck staring at the darkening sky. Time froze for a whole other reason then and it wasn’t for a while the you heard her voice. The moon was steadily rising, Orion’s Belt hung over her head, and her smile was so soft despite the fact that you ruined the end of a perfect date. “I’m sorry-“ You had started, wanting to apologize but not knowing how. The memory of why had faded long ago though the feeling had stayed.

“Hey, it’s fine.” You never imagined an assassin would be able to comfort you but she did it so easily. She had shuffled closer, sitting next to you instead of across, and shrugged as if everything was fine. As if she understood. “We all have our things.” And when you had turned to look at her, you saw the same haunted look in her eye that you found yourself feeling every night. She did understand, she probably understood more than you could ever know, but you wanted to. For the first time in a while you wanted to fall again. So underneath the full moon, with a bustling city below you, you kissed her and fell when you promised you never would again.

———

“It’s impossible to sneak up on a ship but to try to sneak up on mine is suicide.” You whispered to Sara, glaring at the west even though there was nothing there just yet. “We see them coming from a mile away and it makes us that more dangerous.”

“You have to go through the day as normal, Y/N.” She said slowly. You were too close, you both knew it, and if you were anyone else you would be stuck on the Waverider. In a way, you wish you were. “You’re not supposed to know what’s coming.”

“That’s the thing, Sara.” With the imagination of your mind, you could practically see the other ship moving towards you. “I knew from the moment I woke up.” You whispered. It was true, you had woken up on this very day with a pit in your stomach and suspicion in your veins. You didn’t live as long as you had and not picked up how to sense danger. You  took a deep breath and straightened your back, ready to give the same speech you did long ago. “Crew!” Your voice bellowed, loud and sharp enough to cut above the waves. Within minutes your crew filled the deck, each with their eyes trained on you, ready and willing to listen. “Something from Hell is coming and there be no stoppin it.” You fell into your old footsteps, remembering the moment as if it was a song and dance and not memory. “If ya wish to hide then so be it. if ya wish to run, I’ll allow it.” You finally turned to look at them, to _really_ look at them. They were dirty and broken, their faces bruised, mangled, and scarred, but you remembered each person and their story. “But this here be home. This, _you_ , be family. The blood we spill is the blood of our kin and that will never change. It will live in every crack and hole of this ship and every scar and scratch on your souls.” They remained silent, though you couldn’t help but look at Lydia and Sara’s faces. Lydia was composed, a slight pride in her stance but that was all. She was used to these speeches though this was the first you time you had mentioned family. Sara, however, looked close to tears as she watched you. You weren’t sure why but you couldn’t ask just yet. “So I ask ye, who’s ready for hell?”

The cheer that followed was deafening and, for a moment, you forgot it was just an act. In the silence that came with hearing nothing but screams of trust and love, you remembered the good parts of this time. The love, the trust, and, right now, the family. You were too caught up in it and as Lydia hugged you from the side, guiding the crew into a huddle, you didn’t even think to look for your team. They were left to the sidelines, staring awkwardly at each other as you were surrounded. Maybe it was a good thing you couldn’t see them, then you couldn’t see the look on Sara’s face and that would’ve ruined the perfect picture you had painted yourself back in.

——

When Sara had asked you to join the Legends you hadn’t even thought twice about it. It had been hard, dating between an immortal and a time traveler, because while a regular person would notice no time passing; you felt every second she was away. She didn’t know that in the beginning, so when she had offered and you accepted immediately; she was shocked. You had one final mission with Team Flash, a goodbye without them knowing it, and had kissed Sara goodbye as she went to fix time. Then Sara had come back and looked at you as if she saw a ghost.

“You- you were there.” She had stammered out the moment she saw you in Star Labs. Barry walked towards her, concerned beyond belief because for Sara Lance to be left speechless meant something was wrong. You got to her before him and guided her out of the public.

“Hey, hey, you’re okay.” You whispered, slightly panicking but keeping in contact with her nonetheless. You had an inkling, a small thought in the back of your head that told you she knew. And with that thought came another, much louder, one that said that was the last time you could hold her close. You caressed her cheek, a sadness creeping into your eyes as you looked at her. “Tell me what happened.”

She looked at you in a way she never let anyone else she. She was _vulnerable_ and it was then that you realized you had fallen in love with the assassin in your arms. “I saw you in Ancient Rome. _Ancient_ Rome, Y/N.” You nodded, not sure what you were supposed to say. “You were being worshipped like some god and- I’m not crazy, okay?” She poked your chest but you knew nothing on your face made her think you felt that way.

“You’re not, baby.” You rubbed her arms in comfort, hoping that that wasn’t the last time you would be there to help her.

“We’ve met lookalikes before but something about this was-” She wasn’t able to finish her thought, so you had finished it for her.

“The real thing?” It was her turn to look at you hopefully and you had taken a moment to bask in it. To remember that she trusted you enough to let you see her insecurities with no doubt in her mind.

“Yes!”

“That’s because it was, love.” You hadn’t wanted to look at her after you said it, wanting to live in the moment just a little longer. But when you did look, all you saw was confusion.

“What do you mean?” Slowly, you saw the wall come back and push her emotions back and you wanted to punch yourself.

“That was me. A very, _very_ , long time ago.” You took a step back to try and give her room but her hand stayed grasped on your arm. Whether it was anger or need, you weren’t sure and you didn’t really care. She still wanted you close, the reasoning didn’t matter. You took a deep breath, you remember your heart beating a mile a minute as you said what you never did before. “I’m immortal.”

She had scoffed, dropping her hand and shaking her head. “Immortal.”

“I’m not making fun of you and this isn’t a joke.” You had said, desperately. “There’s a reason I can’t get hurt and it’s because I _can’t_ die.” You were hesitant as you took her hand in yours and you let yourself feel. You had let her _see_ what you were feeling; scared. Terrified, in fact, because you had never shared that secret.  You stood there, staring at her hand in yours instead of her eyes but she said nothing. “Please believe me.” Your voice was barely above a whisper.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” Her voice was just as quiet but, somehow, it was as strong as ever.

“I’ve wanted to.” You said, as honestly as you could. “The moment I knew I was falling for you I wanted to tell you right then and there.”

“Why didn’t you?” She was stoic. There was nothing in the way she spoke or the way she stood that could give you a hint as to what she was feeling. That was always her appeal though, the fact that she didn’t hold herself as strictly with you as she did with others.

You had shrugged, “I was scared.” You laughed without humor, “Just like I am now because-” You finally looked up and into her eyes. In all your time, you had never felt the way you did with her. “-I don’t wanna lose you.”

She had held your face, an almost innocent smile on her face. “You won’t.” Not only did you believe her then but that was the first time you felt loved without ever having to say it.

——

With the crew dispersed and back to work the countdown in your head became louder and louder. Lunch was served, well ‘served’, and you watched as half the crew ran to the side to hack it back up. You were weak from the very beginning. You passed through a storm and watched as they panicked to throw the water back over board. You were compromised without ever knowing it. But, what you watched the most, was the sun and as it dipped closer and closer to the horizon, you felt the dread building up.

“Hey.” You had kicked the rookie out of the crow’s nest and watched the sun at eye level. The fact that Sara had made it all the way up there without you realizing was a sign that you were far too distracted.

“I did this the first time too, don’t worry.” Surprisingly, it was true. The old you was beyond paranoid and you had wanted to follow the feeling in your gut all the way to the clouds.

“You were really intuitive.” She hugged you from behind, the two of you finally able to show affection without messing anything up. You weren’t sure if you wanted that right then or if you deserved it.

“Look what help that did.” You mumbled, the edges of the sky starting to darken. Dusk wasn’t here just yet but it was far too close. On the horizon, you could see the glimpse of darkness and it wasn’t your imagination. “There they are. I hadn’t seen them the first time. I was looking the other way.” You were having an out of body experience, you were sure, because a part of you didn’t even realize you were talking.

“Maybe you should too then.” She said it gently, almost a suggestion but when you didn’t answer she circled you around.

“I still know they’re there.” There was nothing but blue on the other side, the sun low enough that it was picking sides.

“And that’s not going to change.” She leaned her head against your back, watching the dot get closer and closer so you didn’t have to. She was your other half like that. “I love you.”

You watched the first stars fill the sky, faint but there. The smallest hint of red painted the sky and you felt Sara stiffen behind you. “I love you too.” It was time. They were here.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hell hath come

“Captain! Captain!” You look down and, even from high above, you can see the fear on your friend’s face. He was a new soul, barely on board for more than a month before this day. He had never experienced the thrill of a fight and the fear on his face had made you smile once. It was an initiation in its most violent form and you were always one to teach your people to run before they walk. “Sail, ho!” He pointed frantically towards the ocean and, before you turned, you saw the laughter on his crewmate’s faces as they watched what they once were. You turned to see the boat, far closer than it should be in such a small amount of time, and Sara’s presence was almost nonexistent to you.  
   You grabbed the rope to the main sail, ready to fall not only into battle but a life you had been trying not to fall back into. There was no halfway anymore; no more soft sunrises and careful moments. The moment your boots hit the deck you would be at war once more and you wished you could delay it. Just as you knew what was about to happen, so did Sara. She placed her hand on your shoulder, the touch too delicate for the mindset you were slipping in, and, oddly enough, it was the exact comfort you needed. “I’m sorry.” She spoke quietly, the words almost getting caught in the wind. You looked to her, centuries of pain in your eyes as you remembered everything after this day, and felt something break in yourself as she held in a gasp. There was nothing left to say.  
   You jumped from the crow’s nest, the burn from the rope only adding to the callouses still on your hands, and felt the boat jerk as the wind caught the opening sail. Your boots slammed onto the wooden deck, a manic smile on your face when you looked back up. The new kid took a step back, unsure of what exactly was happening. You slapped his shoulder, pulling him into your side even as the image of his dying breaths flashed in front of your eyes, and shouted to the crew, “Sharpen your swords, lads! Hell hath come!” Immediately, they darted to their stations, shouting their excitement into the air. Some collected the weapons from the lower level and dropped them onto the deck, others readied the canons and prepared ammo. You pushed the rookie into Lydia’s waiting arms and she laughed as she threw a sword into his hand. You walked through the chaos, posture straight as you settled behind the helm. For a small moment, a flicker of thought came that said to turn the ship around; to run and hope they never caught you. But your men were ready, your girl had returned to your side, and, with no other thoughts, your ship was cutting through waves to put the fear of God into your foes. They were fools to sail so fast to their deaths. Who were you to deny them the pleasure any longer?  
   Water crashed against the sides of the ship as the wind caught on the sail and rushed you to your enemy. A wicked smile found itself on your face as you stood at the wheel; everything falling into place ever so perfectly. You were blind to the Legends, alone as they watched the chaos unfold. “What do we do?” Ray asked, unsure of what he was seeing. He had known you as someone sweet and sarcastic, you hated having to fight and always begged him to carry bugs out instead of killing them. The person in front of them wasn’t the you they knew, he understood that, but seeing you slip into your past self so easily was alarming. Sara lifted her hand in silent command. She was focused on one thing and one thing only; you.  
   "Brace thyself!“ was yelled too late, the ship almost tipping over as it rammed into the enemy. The legends were the only ones not prepared for the blow, grabbing onto each other to keep from falling while the others simply screamed a battle cry. A large plank was dropped across ships, pirates from each side at the ready. Smoothly, the sails were lowered and the anchor was dropped. You pulled your sword from your hip, the blade trailing behind you like an afterthought as you make your way to the tip of your ship.  Sara moved to follow you, instinct taking over, but a dainty hand touched her shoulder and she was left to watch Lydia stand where she was going to. By your side.  
   "Is this how it usually goes?” Jax whispered to Nate to which Nate shook his head in confusion.  
   You stared arrogantly into the other Captain’s eyes, a smirk just as sharp as your sword on your face. The worry in his was hidden but there, just as it always was when they realized you had none. You lifted your sword, the blade glinting in the setting sun, and admired it without a care in the world. You turned to him, the regret in his eyes sparking something powerful in you. He was just another fool, an Englishman who believed he could take whatever he wanted no matter the cost. There was no doubt he heard the tales of you and your people, the fear in his eyes said as much, but he didn’t heed the warnings that began each one. “How does it go, my love? It seems to change with the winds.” You asked Lydia. She practically vibrated at your side, ready to jump into battle. You were never one to rush into things. A talk with the captain who dared _try_ to steal from you was necessary. IN the beginning, you had to force it. Force them to their knees in front of their men and stare them in the eyes. Those who survived were sure to spread the word and when the unlucky bastards realized what ship they had stumbled upon, they were sure to wait for your word. Sometimes, you’d let them go if you were feeling nice. You weren’t on this day.  
   "She is a curse. The devil that sails the seven seas.“ When Lydia first heard the warning, the only consistent thing in the stories they told, she laughed as she told you about it. To her and many others on the ship, you were nothing but a blessing. A gift from a higher power that they had stopped believing in. You had told her that it was because of that very thought, that they considered you a threat. "To cross her path is to never return.”  
   It wasn’t the first time he had heard it, you could tell from the way he sucked in a breath. A shame that he wasted it by yelling, “Attack!” to his crew. You sighed, more annoyed than anything as they rushed to bombard your people. Perhaps he wasn’t as clueless as you had first thought.  
    You leaped from your ship to the other, staring at the Captain like fresh meat. “Dead men tell no tales, lads.” You yelled, not taking your gaze off him for a moment. And like a switch was flipped, the battle had begun.

—-

   "How in the hell are we supposed to save Y/N when we can’t even save ourselves!?“ Nate grunted, pushing enemies off of him but not dealing any finishing blows.  
   "She said they kill Lydia out of revenge. We still have time until then.” Ray flinched as he hit a pirate with the butt of his sword, mouthing sorry to his unconscious body.  
   "We don’t even know how the Legion gets here!“ It was getting intense, the hoard seeming to never end despite the amount of them bleeding out on the deck of the ship. Swords clashed and cannons were fired, the crescendo of noise only heightened by the shrieks of war and pain. They were in the thick of it and the closer they go to getting out of it was closer to you dying.  
   "Stop your yapping and get closer to Y/N!” Sara yelled, kicking the man in front of her in frustration. She didn’t have time to play pirate, she had to get to you. She ran to the head of the ship, dodging bodies and blades, and hoped you were still okay.  
   You were still on the other ship, surrounded by the Captain and his right hands with only Lydia by your side. She was ready to take the same leap you had and help you, timeline be damned, but there was still not a single hint of worry in you. She had forgotten that you lived through this; you knew you won and what you lost. Though, as she watched you taunt the men around you, she knew that you had forgotten who you were.  
   "How many will you take, love?“ You asked, nonchalantly, as you stared at the men who surrounded you. They were cowards, the ones who hid behind the fighters who were staining your ship as you waited for them to make a move. They were scared but cocky, a dangerous combination.  
   She had her back to yours but you could practically feel her tilt her head as she counted them. Even in the middle of battle, estimating which men she could takedown, she was innocent. "Three.”  
   "Someone’s feeling risky today, aye?“ Your smirk falters, as does your stance, the image of her being held back, a sword to her neck, by one of the men that had managed to escape her blade suddenly the only thing you could see.  
   "Love?” She risked a glance and, despite the unwanted memory, you were quick to stop the blow that was aimed for her with your sword.  
   "Naughty boy.“ You sneered, slicing his torso without another thought.  
   "No fair. He was mine.” Lydia pouted, turning to the others who were closing in on the two of you.  
   "Do what you must. Leave the captain to me.“ You blocked out any other thoughts besides the men in front of you and, without saying a word, the two of you started your attack.  
   Sara watched from afar as the two of you moved as if you were mirror images, your battle dances so in tune that it almost made her forget how it felt to fight by your side. Lydia, still with a sweet smile on her face, was relentless against her men. She pushed and lunged, her sword always meeting its target, but she never strayed far from your back. But where she was wild and excited you were deadly and serious. It was watching them that made her decision that much easier.  
    You baited the captain and his right hand to attack you and, each time found their weak spot. You barely moved and somehow you had the upper hand. You forced their hand until the Captain was at your feet and his sword was in his partner, barely breathless and a smirk still on your face. He spat at your feet, a mixture of blood and saliva as he looked up at you. "You will never be a true Captain,” he grunted.  
   You leaned down, the sword breaking the skin of his neck ever so slightly, “I already am.” You whispered and, just like the first time, you jerked your hand away and watched him slump to the ground. You laughed under your breath, wiping your sword with your coat tail as you turned to Lydia. “Seems like we wrapped this up quickly, love-” Your words fell flat as you stared at the scene in front of you.  
   "No.“ The word was faint, the aftermath of a gut punch more than anything else. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. This wasn’t supposed to happen. She was captured, a knife against her neck as she struggled against the two men that held her. Those still alive were fleeing from your ship and standing behind them like some kind of show and you were sure this was some kind of nightmare. Whatever mask you were wearing or the person you pretended to be fell apart as you stared at them with desperate eyes. "Please, don’t do this.”  
   The Legends made their way to you, their own eyes turning to the size of golf balls when they saw the scene in front of them. The legion would be here soon, ready to kill you, but you had forgotten about that. You had forgotten about everything except her eyes as she looked at you. “It’s okay.” She said softly, something only ever reserved for you. “I love you.”  
   "Love?“ Lydia grunted from the ground, dazed and confused as to what was happening. She must’ve gotten hit but you couldn’t bring yourself to care or even worry. She wasn’t your love anymore; she hadn’t been for a long time. Instead, the person who made mortality seem worth it was in the place Lydia was so long ago.  
   "This wasn’t supposed to happen like this.” You say out loud this time, your brain working a mile a minute to find a solution. The legends moved slowly, each of them looking for where the Legion might appear. Sara would want them to focus on the mission, even if her life was at stake.  
   "It had to.“ She smiled. There was not an ounce of fear on her face, nothing but love in her eyes, and you felt the first tears collect in your eyes.  
   The man says something, you aren’t sure what; everything is too hazy. But you see his hand move. The _knife_ move. You fall with her, your knees and her body crashing onto the deck at the same time. There’s movement, your crew getting back up and finishing what they started, but you don’t see it. The world is spinning as you crawl to her body. You trace the side of her face and she’s still so warm. The smile that you love is still stuck on her face and your mind tricks you into thinking she’s just sleeping. She’s fine, she had to be. Her hair is just as soft as the first time you kissed and if it weren’t for the blood that covered her lips you would replicate the moment. "You’re fine.” You cried, moving closer to her or maybe pulling her closer to you. You couldn’t feel your body, you could barely feel hers. “Everything’s gonna be fine.” The sobs wrecked through you, piercing through your gut and causing you to lean over her dormant body.  
   "Well, isn’t this a sad sight.“ Damian Darhk spoke above you, arrogant and dripping in sarcasm. You looked up, the world blurry but you could see his smug face clear as day. "Allow me to put you out of your misery.” He lifted a weapon, one you had never seen before, and while you knew you should fight you couldn’t bring yourself to. So you close your eyes and hoped that whatever the afterlife was; Sara was waiting for you there.


	5. Chapter 5

Someone was humming, so low it felt like it was coming from the back of your mind. The song stuck in their head controlled the sensation that ran across your skin and you were too scared to open your eyes. The humming stopped and you felt their breath on your face as they waited, “I know you’re awake.” She whispered, writing the lyrics to a song you didn’t know on the side of your hip. It was hypnotizing.

    You smiled without meaning to like you were watching an old movie instead of your life. “You’re making it pretty hard to stay that way.” You replied, trying to keep your voice down in hopes that you could fall back asleep. Sara had other ideas. 

    “Oh, am I now?” You peaked through your lashes to see her smile and it only brightened when she saw she won. You could never turn down her smile and she knew it. “We have the day to ourselves and, if my beautiful girlfriend would _wake up_ ,” She shoved you playfully and you groaned, “I have a very special date planned for her.” That got you to open your eyes. You stared at her with a raised eyebrow but all she did was smirk and jump out of bed, disappearing in the closet before you could ask any questions. It was rare that the two of you got to go on a date. You’ve only ever had two that weren’t interrupted by Legends business and they were at the beginning of your relationship. You rolled out of bed, shaking off whatever was plaguing you while you had slept, and followed Sara into the closet. She wrapped herself around you from behind, shocking the sleep that had clung on right off. “There she is.” She mumbled against your neck, swaying the two of you back and forth while she planted kisses along your shoulders and to your jaw. You tilted your head, giving her access to do as she pleased but also incomplete wonder as to how you got so lucky.

    “How did I get you?” You said out loud, clutching her arms around your waist.

    She responded just as desperately, tightening her hold so you knew she was going nowhere. “You beat my ass.”

    You chuckled, leaning back into her as you remember the first time you ever saw her. You had thought she was the enemy, unsure of who the legends were since you had just joined Team Flash. It wasn’t until she was under you with a knife to her throat that Barry decided to tell you they were the good guys. “That _was_ pretty sweet of me.”

    “Pretty sexy too.” She tugged at your ear with her teeth as she said it, causing you to rush out of her hold.

    “I was promised a date!” You laughed as she advanced again and you did nothing to stop her as she kissed you. You held her face, something telling you to treasure every moment, as you battled with her for a moment.

    She smiled against your lips, “Who said this wasn’t apart of it?” Despite her words, the two of you were stuck. Your forehead rested against hers as you stared into her eyes, she stroked your waist while you did the same to her cheek, and you felt tears fill your eyes. She was gone. You’d never have this again.

    “I’m sorry.” You sobbed, breaking from the memory you had been sucked into. She stayed the same, smiling as you broke down in front of her, grabbing at her like you were drowning. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

    She grabbed your hand, a secret on her face, and you broke just a little more, “C'mon. We gotta start our day.”

—-

   No one knew what to do. They had managed to stop the Legion from killing you but in the process, you had gotten cut by the weapon and fallen into a trance above Sara. They didn’t know if your numb like state was because of the weapon or from shock. Either way, it was impossible to separate you from Sara’s body. Not that anyone wanted to try. It was easier to erase the pirate’s memories of them or clean up their mess than to look at their captain lying on the deck. Then the Waverider pulled up next to the ships and they knew there was no more delaying it. Mick dropped the old you onto her ship like she was nothing and looked at the others confused when they didn’t reprimand him. “Who died?” He grumbled, a joke in his own way.

   It hit them then that she was gone, Nate the only one able to say “Sara, Mick. Sara died.”

   He was the first to go near the two of you. You had practically fallen on top of her, still holding her to you, your shoulder bleeding without any stop. They needed to get you to medical, Sara too just in case- just in case she could still be saved. But the moment he touched you, in solidarity, your sobs stopped and turned into banshee screaming. He flinched his hand away, more shocked that your body didn’t even move than at the scream, but still, the sound pierced their ears.  You showed no signs of stopping, no signs of letting her go, and, if it weren’t for the screams and sobs, they would’ve thought you were dead too. You left them no choice so, carefully, Ray grabbed you and silently begged you to let go of Sara. Nate pried your hands off of her, your screaming only getting more hysterical as you struggled to get back to her. Your cut opening more and more as you did. The moment your hands dropped from her, you slumped against Ray like a switch had been turned off and it only worried the Legends more. Mick picked up Sara and, together, they made their way back to the ship in hopes that Gideon could fix this.

—-

    You laughed as you tried to walk blind, Sara’s hands pressed hard against your eyes. “Are we there yet?!” The day had been so perfect, you weren’t sure how she could have anything else planned. She had taken you to your favorite restaurant for lunch, the same place you had first asked her to be your girlfriend. You had been on a couple of dates by then and everyone already knew that the two of you were together but you wanted to make it official. You wanted to hear her say that this was what she wanted. That what she wanted was you. You wanted to laugh at how insecure the old you was; there was not a single drop of doubt in your blood when it came to Sara. Not anymore. After lunch, the two of you had walked through a garden hand in hand and you had forgotten just how much of a romantic Sara could be. It was late now, the sun about to set, and you had no idea what she was about to reveal to you.

    The two of you suddenly stopped, her hands abruptly bringing your head back as you tried to keep walking. “Okay.” She whispered though you could hear a bit of nervousness in her voice. “Promise to keep your eyes closed?”

    “Cross my heart.” Her hands dropped but your eyes remained closed.

    You heard her take a deep breath and your heart quickened at the idea that she was nervous. She was never nervous. “Okay, open.” You were at the edge of a cliff, a lot like your first date, and a blanket was spread out in front of you. The sun was setting, basking Sara in golden light as she stared up at you with a small box in her hand. “I know getting married isn’t ideal for people like us and I know we both thought that you’d be the one kneeling right now.” You laughed wetly and tried to keep yourself from screaming yes. You wanted her to finish what she needed to say. “But we don’t need a wedding, hell, we don’t even need to go to a courthouse.” She opened the box and your breath got caught in your throat as you stared at the small gold band. It was perfect and your tears were streaming freely. “All I ask, all I _need_ is forever. If that’s alright with you.” Again, you find yourself stuck staring into her eyes.

    “I wanted a wedding.” Your knees crashed down onto the blanket, barely jostling her as she continued to look up where you were. You must’ve died. You had died and this was your hell; reliving a life you could never have again.

    “Is that alright with you?” Her nervousness disappeared as your memory said yes, a smile that could rival the sun taking its place. She pulled you into a hug and, if this was hell, then at least you got these moments again. The moments where you felt so much love that it hurt.

    “I wanted forever.” You cried as she smiled against your shoulder. She laid the two of you down, settling onto your chest and admiring the ring now on your finger. She couldn’t feel how tight you held her, the indents your nails left as you tried to pretend this was real. That you had never gone back to that ship, that Lydia had never existed, that immortality wasn’t a curse. That after today the two of you would spend the rest of your lives together and that nothing else mattered. “I still want forever.”

—-

    The moment they had put the two of you down, you made your way back to Sara like a moth to a flame. It was somewhat disturbing to see. You showed no sign of life other than making sure you were still by her side, your eyes glazed over and your body shaking now and then. You were trapped somewhere and they wished they knew more about the weapon and what it did. Rather, they wished they knew how to help at all.  The only ones still in the med bay were Ray and Nate, the others leaving to grieve in their own way. Ray didn’t want to leave you alone, not in your state and Nate was still hoping for some miracle to happen. No one had uttered a word since the ship though at some point they’d have to have a team meeting. They still didn’t know what happened now that Lydia was alive and well in the 1600s and still by your side or how that affected your future. “What do we do, Ray?” He said, quiet and somewhat broken as he stared at the two of you. He had always been envious of your love, it was something so rare and beautiful that it was hard not to be. And it was because of that that he wasn’t sure if you were going to be coming out of this alright. Immortal or not, the person that opened their eyes was not going to be the Y/N they knew. Not anymore.

    “Nate, look.” Ray ignored Nate’s question in favor of slapping his shoulder and pointing to where the two of you laid. You were still slumped over her, cradling her head in your lap as if she was just sleeping, and, at first, Nate wasn’t sure what Ray was talking about. Then he saw it; the faint glow of light that was coming from you.

    “What the hell?” You remained stoic as the light grew brighter and brighter, surrounding you and blinding the boys. Nate stared wide-eyed as the gash on your shoulder started to close up, not even a scar left as it disappeared. “Gideon! What’s going on?” He was panicking, his head jumping from ‘it’s a miracle’ to 'immortals can self destruct’ as he shielded his eyes.

    “I’m not sure,” Gideon responded, unable to do any tests as the light fully surrounded the two of you. Ray and Nate backed up, hitting the wall like the light was threatening them for their lunch money, and all they could do was stare at each other in confusion. They weren’t sure whether they should wait it out or run for the hills, either way, it showed no sign of stopping. When it became too much, the light filling the room and spilling through every crack available, they readied themselves to escape through the door. But, before they could, the light vanished and the sudden lack brought them to their knees as they clung to their heads. A gasp stole their attention from themselves and their heads whipped to where the two of you were. You had fallen to the ground, your arms empty and eyes finally closed, but they barely noticed. They were too busy rushing over to Sara, her neck without a scratch on it and her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath.

—-

    You woke up but kept your eyes closed shut, not ready to face your hell just yet. It was taking a toll on you, each memory chipping at your heart like someone was looking for treasure. The last one had been too much, it had _taken_ too much, and after who knows how many memories, you were finally starting with the knowledge that you were trapped. It somehow hurt more to experience like it was something brand new, only for it to be ripped away in the end. “Wake up, love. Please, wake up.” She was sad, almost crying, and you were desperate to make sure she was okay. Yet, at the same time, you couldn’t help but think that you never heard her say that to you before.

    “Sara, we have to make sure everything’s okay-”

    “I don’t care.” She responded coldly to Ray, you could almost feel him flinch away at the sound. “To hell with the timeline, I’m staying right here until she wakes up.” You heard the door close behind him and you wondered if it was worth it to keep your eyes closed forever. The false memory could play out however it wanted and it’d cost you nothing. Then you felt the first tear hit your hand, the one she was holding with an iron grip, and you knew there was no way you’d be able to hide any longer.

    For the first time, you didn’t know what you were supposed to say. You hadn’t lived this already and it was cruel that your hell had started to make its own scenes. “Sara.” You croaked out. You felt drained, not just emotionally but physically. It was a new feeling, your immortality making sure you were always in perfect condition no matter what. You opened your eyes and saw Sara in a new light. She was still in her pirate getup, blood staining her dress but her skin was clear as day. She stared at you with hesitant hope and a part of you hoped that this was real. That she was alive and it was all just a bad dream. You knew better than that but, still, you couldn’t help but ask, “Is this real?” You whispered, scared to hear whatever answer she gave.

    She laughed, breathlessly and tearful. “This is real. I promise.” She kissed your conjoined hands and held them to her lips as she tried to keep it together.

    “How?” You wanted to believe her. With all of you, all you wanted was to believe that she was alive and well. That it was still possible for her to sit next to you and look at you the way she was just then. But it was impossible, you had seen her die.

    She wiped away her tears and straightened her back, composing herself like she was about to brief the team on a new mission. “The running theory is that you shared your immortality with me.” Your eyes widened in shock but she continued, “Or, I guess, you sacrificed your immortality to save me.”

    “Do you remember the day you proposed to me?” It was out of the blue and from the expression on Sara’s face you knew it was unexpected. All she could do was nod. “When you…when Darhk showed up I accepted whatever was coming next. I didn’t fight it. And the next time I opened my eyes, I was back to that day. And, for a moment, I thought  'this must be heaven’ because you were there and I was happy and that was enough.” You continued, “But now and then, I’d wake up. I’d remember everything that happened while a you I could never have again continued to play like a movie. By the end, I could’ve sworn I was actually in hell.”

    “Y/N.” She sighed your name, pain riddled for what you had gone through.

    “Then I got to the point where you proposed and I heard you ask for forever. It woke me up and all I could feel was how much I wanted that. All I could think was, even though we’d always have two different definitions of that word, I wanted nothing but forever. That I _still_ wanted forever with you.” You met her eyes, crying silently as you looked at her. “And if forever meant an afterlife of our memories then I was ready for that.”

    For a moment, all she did was look at you and you wondered if this was the moment that everything was going to reset. Then, she stood up and forced her way onto the small chair that you were settled on, curling into you and holding you close. There were a lot of questions that needed to be asked; _why_ she did what she did and if this was real were two of the big ones. But as she settled further into your chest and closed her eyes as if she was just going to take a nap, you realized that it didn’t matter. You had her again and, if what she was saying was true, then everything you thought was impossible wasn’t anymore. The two of you could grow old together, something you never knew you wanted until you met her. She let out a breath, smiling as if being squished on the chair in the med bay was the most comfortable place in the world. “We have forever again.” You believed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really proud of this series. It's not the most popular and it took me far too long but I think going through it my skill has gotten better at story telling. thank you for everyone who loved it and wanted more and thank you for everyone who had the patience of a saint when it came to uploads. my tumblr where this was originally posted and where you can request things is think-blot, so pop on by and ask me something :)

**Author's Note:**

> Nov 11, 2018


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